you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
