Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
