Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
you never un-have a 4some
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
