so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
