Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
