Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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