Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's official drugs can't kill me
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
