I showed him my bush... on skype.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
