I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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