Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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