when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
