Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
