honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
