bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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