Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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