Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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