one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
