I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
