He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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