I wannas sexs uuuuu
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
