I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
