dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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