I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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