never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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