did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
