my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
