you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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