5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
