I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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