Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Let's get the cat blown out
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
