He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
