no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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