If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize