p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize