I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
COCAINE IS GR8
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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