some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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