I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
