I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
