Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
