Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize