So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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