Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
