I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize