conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
