I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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