You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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