Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
