I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
