Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
