I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Found the puke drawer
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
