I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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