Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
