Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
