Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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