Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
