Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
