We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
