I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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