you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My penis needs a shock collar
me + whiskey = a bad person
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
We smell like vodka and hangover
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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