...so i touched it.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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