hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
