Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize