she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
