You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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