is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
