My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
