Sponge bath it is.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
