Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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