Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
