Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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