So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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